Hi folks, welcome back! A couple of weeks ago I examined a new belief gaining popularity rapidly “A woman can have it all” and in the process pointed out how this belief could mean different things for different women and also why is it that more and more women are believing in this belief. This week, with all the personal as well as professional relationships that a human has to dance between all day long; I would like to examine that ‘thing’ that makes someone a good friend, a good parent, a good colleague etc
Every human being, from time to time has to deal with challenges as they go along their life journeys. That’s just part of living life here on Earth. However, being able to navigate through these challenges of life whether they are physical health related or money related or grieving the loss of someone close or failing at something or breaking up of a close relationship is what living is all about. But have you ever wondered why is it that some people are better able to navigate through these life challenges than others? Why is it that some people are able to stay mentally stronger than others while facing these challenges. Why is it that some people are able to recover faster than others who may be facing similar challenges? I have observed a lot with regards to how humans face challenging situations and here is what I have come to understand.
I have come to understand that the people who are better able to navigate through life’s toughest challenges somehow believe that they have what is needed to get them through these challenges. They believe that no matter what life throws at them, they are mentally and physically capable to deal with it. People like these just believe that they can! And sometimes they could have acquired these beliefs from the way they were raised by their parents. Other times they may have friends or family members who support them through their challenges and empower them into believing that they can. Few times however, people are just born with that kind of attitude. But majority of the times, like I pointed out above, most of us need someone to empower us from inside-out. We need people in our lives who give us their time and just listen instead of jumping to conclusions. We need people in our lives who believe in us and our capabilities and don’t just try to fix things for us or find solutions to our problems as soon as we begin defining those problems. We need people in our lives who are empathetic towards us without making us feel like we are weak and can’t face the challenge at hand. We want people in our lives who teach us how to face challenges and not face these challenges on our behalf instead. We want people in our lives who have faith in us and our abilities. We need people who can just be there for us no matter what the situation! These are the kinds of friends and family members we need in our lives. And when we have these kinds of family members or friends, we don’t need a lot help from psychiatrists or psychologists or spiritual gurus or teachers because we re-connect with a kind of confidence that comes from within. This kind of confidence makes us our own cheerleaders, our own best friends. And this is the kind of confidence we need as human beings to face any kind of challenge in life.
I know that most of us will probably agree that these are the kinds of friends or family members we all need but the reality is not many of us are lucky enough to have these kinds of friends or family members. Right? How many of us, instead of reaching out to our friends and family members just stay silent and seek other avenues like turning to spiritual teachers or gurus or maybe even psychologists or psychiatrists. And even though there is absolutely nothing wrong in seeking help either from spiritual gurus or teachers or even psychologists or psychiatrists but the reality is that you can’t get that warm feeling of someone’s presence around you unless they are physically with you. You can’t really hear someone’s voice talking directly to you unless you are face to face with them. You can’t hug or be hugged by someone who is inside your computer or phone or iPad. You can’t show them the darkness in your heart and the tears in your eyes without looking at the clock repeatedly and thinking about the money it’s going to cost you to show them all that! And in return they probably can’t give you what you really need at this time – the confidence to empower you and make you believe that somehow you can face the challenge at hand!
But folks, I want you to really look into your own hearts and ask yourself if you have ever been that kind of friend to anyone yourself, the one that you would like to have? Have you taken the time to just listen? Have you taken the time to not fix someone’s problems but empower them instead? And the reason I want you to ask yourself this question is because most times, even the greatest of friends tend to try to solve your problems for you because they can’t bear your pain. And although these friends have good intentions, they sometimes end up hurting you more in the process. Let me give you a very simple yet very profound example which can help you understand my point of view.
Let’s imagine you are raising kids and as a young kid yourself, your parents always came to your rescue whatever situation you may have been in. And since you were raised this way, that’s how you are raising your kids now. So now let’s now imagine that your kid just started preschool and is trying to adjust to the new environment, new teachers and new kids. Your kid is basically trying to learn the workings of this world now that he is around so many people. So now, let’s imagine that some days when you pick him up from school and when you ask him how his day at school was, he tells you about this kid in his class that pinched him or hit him or pushed him. And as a parent you take it upon yourself to go talk to the teacher about the kinds of things that are happening to your kid in his class. This kind of approach may be necessary sometimes however, most other times, by choosing this kind of approach, I believe you as a parent are missing out on a great opportunity to teach your kid how to stand up for themselves. You can use this opportunity to empower your kid into standing up for themselves by teaching your kid how to say no or how to reach out to the teacher when saying no to the kid who is doing the hitting or pushing or pinching doesn’t work. Even though your kid may be 3 or 4 years old, giving them the tools on how to protect themselves will go a very long way instead of jumping in to fix everything for them. And in the long run, imagine the kind of confidence this young kid will gain just by learning to speak up for themselves. And because you empowered him and gave him the confidence, he can now also be prepared to face those bullies in higher grades.
Folks, I really believe that the key to being a great friend is to use your influence in instilling confidence in the friend who needs you because that way when you are not available, they will still be able to reach into that pool of confidence and go on living.
And as always, feel free to leave a note if you feel like leaving one. And until next week, live life 🙂