Hi everyone, welcome back! Two weeks ago I examined what are the qualities that made someone a good friend, a good parent, a good colleague etc. and in the process identified that it is human’s ability to make the other person believe that they have got it and that they can do it no matter what! This week, since so many of us, even though we may be in relationships with people, even though we may be surrounded by family and friends who support us, even though we may have already achieved all that we wanted to achieve so far in life, yet, we may still feel that there is something lacking in our lives! Therefore, this week, I would like to examine why is it that so many of us feel that we are not enough or we don’t have enough in our lives!
Belief: I have so many people and so many things in my life, yet, why do I always feel sad and lonely and look for something else that will make me happy!!
There are so many of us in this world who would like to have the relationships that someone else has. There are so many of us who would like to have the job titles that someone else has. There are so many humans in this world who would like to have the wealth someone else has. There are so many humans in this world who would like to have the physical looks that someone else has. There are so many humans in this world who would like to have the life that someone else has!! But then why is it that some of us who appear to have all that this world so very much desires are still not happy with what we already have? Why is it that some of us still want to have the looks of someone else? Why is it that some of us still want to have the bodies of someone else? Why is it that some of us still want to have the clothes that someone else has. Why is it that some of us still want to have the money that someone else has? Why is it that some of us still want the jobs that someone else has? Why is it that some of us still want the life that someone else has? Have you ever wondered why is it that we are never satisfied with what we already have? I have and this is what I have understood so far.
Remember how as a young kid in order to get us to do things, like eat our food or do our homework or make our bed etc., our parents would tell us that there is something better waiting for us if we do this or that. And that something better could have been anything depending on what it is that our very young minds considered to be better than doing what we were being asked to do at that time and of course it kept changing as we kept growing. And as parents we still continue to use this strategy with our own kids. And yes this strategy may get our kids’ attention sometimes and they may end up complying with your request in hopes of getting that to ‘something better’, but what this very innocent looking strategy does to our kids psyche is that it teaches them two things. One, there is always something better waiting to be achieved or gained or unveiled and two, all they need to do are these very unappealing chores or tasks or duties to get to the ‘better’ things. So basically whatever they are doing right now doesn’t matter much!! And over time, a belief is created in this young kids mind and that belief creates the thinking to keep working towards the better things, better grades, better clothes, pretty much better everything!! And this belief is reinforced again and again and again by all the comparisons to other kids, the grades they get and the accomplishments that they have and the careers that they have and the money that they make etc. All these comparisons teach the kids to chase that what others have. It teaches them to behave the way others behave. It teaches them to earn the money that others have. It teaches them to get the jobs that others have. It teaches them to basically have the life that others have! And this focus on pursuing ‘what others have’ creates a huge gap between what it is that we want in our own lives vs. chasing after what others have so that we can be called successful or pretty or intelligent! And because we lose our focus, we end up living the lives that we didn’t want but because we thought that we are always supposed to pursue ‘something better’, we end up with a life which may have lots of accomplishments or wealth or physical beauty, yet, we still feel completely lost and lonely and unhappy! And we feel the way we feel because our mind told us that we will never be accomplished until we have what others have. We will never be intelligent unless we choose the career path that others choose. We will never be beautiful unless we look like the beauties in the magazines or on screen. Bottom-line is, we will never be happy unless we live the way other live their lives.
Folks, the irony in living this way is that there will always be someone who you think will be better than you. There will always be someone who will be more intelligent than you. There will always be someone who will always be more accomplished than you. There will always be some who will be more beautiful than you. And here is an even funnier thing – people who you look at and consider to have better everything than yourself, they are also very busy looking at other people who they think are better than them. Hence, this cycle of feeling less than, having less than, being less than someone or something can never end and this is the very belief that keeps you from feeling the satisfaction with what you already have in your own life.
Folks, we have created this belief about life that there has to be something better than what you already have because what you have doesn’t look that amazing compared to what others may have. And that’s what prompts us to go in search of a ‘better job’, ‘better life partner’, better relationships’, ‘better home’, ‘better careers’, ‘better life’!! And of course there is nothing wrong with pursuing better anything, however, keep in mind that eventually finding that ‘better whatever’ won’t be the end of the search for ‘better’; the search will continue until the end of this life :-)!!
And as always, feel free to leave a comment if you feel like leaving one. Until next time, appreciate what you already have 🙂
