Hi everyone, welcome back! Last week I examined the human need to judge everyone and everything and in the process pointed out that the ability to judge is part of being human and instead of trying to control it, we should just accept it as part of being human which will allow it to just melt away. This week, I want to examine ‘assumptions’; assumptions about how people want you to behave, assumptions about how your life is, who likes you and who doesn’t, whether you are a good human being or not etc. etc.
Belief: I don’t think people like me much because I am so outspoken OR I don’t think my neighbor is very friendly, he could be a racist OR I think people who disagree with me are arrogant people etc. etc.!!
A few years ago when I understood how a human mind, when faced with a situation or when interacting with another human being, makes up stories to comprehend and make sense of everything that is happening; I was just completely blown away! I was blown away because these stories were all based not on facts but rather assumptions and over time as I paid attention to my own thinking, I realized that I was making a lot of assumptions all the time about almost everything in life. And like I mentioned above, I was making these assumptions to try to understand and make sense of everything that was happening or not happening in my own life or to understand the kind of interactions I was having with family members or friends or strangers. And the funny thing (or maybe not so funny after all) was that most of the times these assumptions of mine were totally wrong! Yet, because my mind created these assumptions and completely bought into them, I would suffer the aftermath of the kind of negative thinking which accompanies these assumptions which would present itself in the form of mental and physical stress! And after all these years I have come to the realization that I suffered in vain and that there was no need for me to assume what my mind assumed and as a result created the thoughts that it created which led to all the suffering that I put myself through.
But folks, this ability to make assumptions as we live our lives is not just personal to my mind. It’s the reality of every human mind which has ever lived on this planet. The only thing is, depending on how evolved you are as a human, if you really understand how human mind works to make assumptions, you will be able to catch yourself in the act and let that kind of thinking go! But for the rest of us, if we don’t even know that we make these assumptions on a daily basis, we don’t even have the opportunity to learn to let them go! So, in case you belong to the former category of humans who don’t know what making assumptions really means, I am going to give a few examples to help you understand.
So let’s imagine you have a colleague who you exchange pleasantries with and maybe even talk to more often than anyone else at work. And one day out of the blue, this colleague of yours doesn’t seem to even acknowledge you let alone say hello. And if this wasn’t just a one-time thing and if it happens a few more times, these are just a few thoughts that may pop into your head – did I do something to piss her off? Did I say something to another colleague who blurted in front of her? Does she not like me anymore? So, in the process if thinking this way, what your mind is really doing is trying to come up with reasons why your colleague may be ignoring you. And this is what is called as “making assumptions” and it’s called making assumptions because you didn’t take the time to ask your colleague what was really going on and instead created stories about what ‘could be going on’. And by choosing to assume (yes it’s a choice but you have to be really evolved to be able to choose), your own mind created so much unnecessary suffering for you!
Let’s take another example. Let’s imagine you are with your kid in a park where there are other kids who are enjoying and playing together and all of a sudden one of those kids pushes your kid and your kid falls to the ground. As you were chatting away with other moms, all you happen to notice is your kid lying on the ground covered in dirt and tears. Your very first thoughts in those moments may be – this other kid is such a bad kid because he behaved so badly and pushed your kid. What kind of things this kids parents teach him. This kids parents must have such a bad parenting style. Don’t the parents of this kid teach him some manners? And again, this is what is called as “making assumptions”. And again, your mind created stories about not just how badly behaved this kid is but on top of that you started to also question this kids parents and their parenting style.
Not sure if you noticed folks, the interesting thing in both these examples is that your mind could have very easily created a positive story instead of a negative one but that’s the thing about a human mind – it just loves to think negatively and create negative and fear based stories. And if you don’t take the time to identify the kinds of assumptions you make in your daily life, you can never get rid of that stress which takes away all the fun from living and especially living in the present! But like I mentioned in my last post when I talked about judgement, you are not a bad person if you are making these assumptions. You are just human. That’s all!! And the best way to allow yourself to let go of this kind of thinking is by first beginning to understand and identify all the assumptions that you make and then allowing yourself to not focus on them by choosing to think a different thought. And even though it takes a lot of practice to implement this in life, I can guarantee you that it’s totally worth trying and practicing because it allows you to have that empty space in your mind where you can actually focus on the present moment and focus on yourself!! And that’s what makes you feel peaceful inside and being peaceful inside is what makes you happy!
And as always feel free to leave a comment if you feel like leaving one. And until next week, live life, love people 🙂
