by Shikha Rastogi | Jul 22, 2016 | Beliefs, Perspective
Hi everyone, welcome back! Hope you guys are having an awesome summer! Four weeks ago I examined our belief about separation and tried to better understand if we really are separate human beings sharing space on planet Earth or if we are all pretty much the same just on different journeys. This week, since we continue to experience more mass shootings here in the US, I would like to examine the importance of whatever is happening around us and how the process of creating peace for ourselves is affected by these events.
Belief: There is so much chaos and fear in this world around me. How do I even begin to find peace in my own world when the world around me is in chaos?
In the last few years as I have been gaining a deeper understanding of how human mind works and as I continue to get in touch with my own wisdom and am actually being able to access it maybe for a few seconds in a day, there is one common theme that pops up every now and then which is that most people blame the state of their peace of mind and hearts on the state of this world. But what I have come to understand is that no matter how good or bad the state of the world around you is, if you are not directly impacted by it, it cannot affect your peace of mind. Additionally, even if you are directly impacted by it, your own wisdom, if you ever listen to it, will tell you that you will always be okay no matter what the situation. But honestly, it’s not easy to believe in the latter because most of us are hardly in touch with our own selves other than the physical and therefore our own wisdom. So, for this week’s conversation, let’s just talk about the former scenario which in fact is true for a lot of us since we are merely observers of the events that unfold around us.
Anybody who thinks that they are unable to create peace inside themselves because there is so much killings and shootings and crazy things happening all around them; can you honestly answer one question. Can you honestly answer yes or no if for e.g., the violent and senseless shootings that happen around us stopped completely and let’s say the city that you live in becomes very peaceful as a result; do you really think you will be able to create more peace for yourself just because your city has now transformed into a peaceful place? I am not sure how you guys would answer this question but for me personally, based on how my mind works, I don’t think it will be possible to create more peace just because of the fact that my city has now transformed. And the reason it won’t be possible for me to create more peace within myself even though things have become more positive around me is because as a human being I am relying on my mind to create this peace for me. And I rely on my mind because that is what does the thinking for me. And one doesn’t need to be very wise to know that when humans think positive thoughts, it in turn creates positive emotions within us. And when this thinking is negative, it results in negative emotions. And I don’t think I am totally off-track as I say that this is actually true for majority of humans on this planet. But you see folks, when we rely on our minds to create the peace for us, what we are really trying to do is to control our surroundings so that they create positive thoughts for us and in turn create positive emotions which will make us feel good and this in turn will create a peaceful feeling inside of us.
Now you may think what is wrong with this way of creating peace and I absolutely don’t disagree that one of the ways to create peace within ourselves is by thinking positive thoughts, but like I just pointed out above, by doing this we actually try to control our situations and surroundings and as a result our thinking! But, let me ask you this – how many of you have ever succeeded in controlling either your situations or your surroundings or even your thoughts? If you have then you probably won’t even be reading this blog right now! Let me tell you one fascinating thing about human mind which you may have already realized through living your own life – A human mind is an amazing creation but sadly a creation which has a tendency to gravitate towards the negative, to get easily pulled into the fear and judgement. And because this is the nature human mind, no matter how peaceful your neighborhood/city becomes (as we looked at in the above example), your mind will always find another negative thought to indulge in, another negative experience to harp upon, another shooting or killing outside of your city or country to feel anxious about. And that’s the simple truth! And this is the very reason why trying to create peace through our minds doesn’t really work in the long term!
So, how does one even begin to create peace without the support of positive thinking? Well, this is what I have been doing in my own life. I have made a conscious decision to stop watching the news which I believe is the biggest source of fear since it’s always full of bad things and events that are happening all around us. Although we have no control over these things/events, yet, when you watch the news or listen to it or read it, what happens in your own mind is it starts to imagine the same scenario happening in our own lives although that may be farthest from the truth. We start to believe that something that we just watched on news can actually happen in our own lives. For e.g., a piece of news about mass shootings will make fear travel so far down your nerves that you may start to believe that it may actually come true in your own life. That may become reality for some people but for most of us that is not what will kill us. Instead our fearful thinking about it can cause us more harm because our judgement will be impaired and because our judgement will be compromised, our actions will be compromised. Also, this is the kind of thinking that creates stress, anxiety and depression in humans. And you probably don’t even have to go outside your home to find people plagued with stress and anxiety and depression. And when your mind in not busy creating fearful thoughts as a result of all the fearful information its receiving, you can redirect that space/time and instead start to pay attention on the things you like about yourself, your life, your relationships and your family and friends. Focusing on these things is what creates those warm and fuzzy feelings which create peace within us…and yes, meditation can always help! Give it a try 🙂
And as always, feel free to leave a comment, if you feel like leaving one. And until next Friday, live life 🙂
by Shikha Rastogi | Jun 24, 2016 | Beliefs, Perspective
Hi everyone, welcome back! Last week I examined the importance of grades in our kid’s life/future and how as parents we limit our view on life when we choose to focus only on the grades our kids score and that’s what we end up teaching our kids as well. This week I would like to examine our belief about separation and understand if we really are separate human beings sharing space on planet Earth.
Belief: We are all separate human beings living individual lives.
I believe that this is the biggest misconception we have as humans which is that we are all separate beings because we ‘look’ different from each other and on top of that we also live separate lives or have different ‘journeys’ that we call life. And even though this belief is true to a certain extent; however, I strongly believe it’s now time to re-examine this belief to really understand if this belief has any truth behind it. And the reason we should re-examine this belief is because of where this human race is headed with hatred, wars, blame games, filthy politics and dirty competition! And my hope, as we re-examine this belief is that we are able to find more similarities in being human than the differences we already live with and as a result are able to create more peace within ourselves regardless of what is happening around the world because that’s really the very first step in creating a peaceful world! Each human taking responsibility for creating peace within themselves!!
Alright, let me begin by telling you a story – a story about me. One of the 7.5 billion humans living and breathing on this planet that we call home. I came into this world through another human being who I call mother, was raised with my sister by a father and a mother, went to school and college, made friends and acquaintances along the way, married my husband, work in a corporate job, brought my daughter into this world. The rest of my story has yet to be written because it’s still to happen but I know the ending of it all – the end of this life. So, just like I have a story, similarly, each and every single one of you have a story. And even though our stories are different in what we accomplish and how we accomplish it, what we face and how we face it, what we endure and how we endure it, what and who we love and how we love them, yet, the one thing that stays common is the birth and death. The fact that we come from ‘somewhere’ and then go back to that ‘somewhere’ is the common factor if you look from a very high level. However, if you pay very close attention to what humans want as they go through this process of life, how they think through the ups and downs in life, how they feel as a result of these ups and downs, you will realize we have so much more in common than just the fact that we come from the same place and go back to the same place.
So now, let’s explore our similarities and in the process view this entire human race from another perspective and let’s start from the very beginning of life. Isn’t every human conceived the same way; goes through the same process of incubation; comes to into this life the same way; learns to eat, walk, talk the same way; don’t our parents love us and want us to be happy; don’t we love our kids and want them to be happy; don’t we feel loved when someone does something nice for us; don’t we feel fear and anger when someone judges us; don’t we hate wars and love peace; don’t we all want to live a happy life; don’t we all want to touch someone’s heart and do nice things for them; don’t we all love the feeling of love; don’t we all cringe and our hearts constrict when we see injustice being done; don’t we all want to elect politicians worthy of job their job titles; don’t we all feel the pain at separation from loved ones; don’t we all feel the heart break when we fail; I can go on and on and on..but do you see my point now? Do you realize how amazingly similar we are even though we take on different journeys in life? Do you realize how amazingly similar beliefs we have regardless of our paths in life? Do you realize how amazingly similar our thinking is as a result of these beliefs? Do you realize how amazingly similar our feelings are based on the kind of thoughts we think and what happens around us? I really hope you realize this because when you do, you will then begin to understand that we are all in this together. And when you understand that we are all in this together, you will stop judging other people and yourself for things you did or didn’t do, for the way you behaved or didn’t behave, for the things you said or didn’t say! You will be more kind and compassionate towards yourself and other people. You will be more forgiving towards yourself and others. You will really understand, that because we are all human, we make mistakes sometimes and we will look past each other’s mistakes and stop pointing fingers at each other. We will stop blaming each other. We will stop fighting with each other. We will become more accepting of each other. We will create more peace inside ourselves and that peace will spread outside as positive energy! I really hope I live to see at least a little bit of that world by creating peace inside of me. What about you?
And as always, feel free to leave a comment, if you feel like leaving one. Also, would like to let you guys know that I wont be writing a new post for the next 3 weeks. So, the next post I will share will be on July 22nd and until then live life 🙂
by Shikha Rastogi | Jun 17, 2016 | Beliefs, Perspective
Hi everyone, welcome back! Last week I examined the various reasons why you are already important and valuable especially when your mind doesn’t think that you ‘do’ anything important or valuable in this world. This week, since it’s that time of the year when kids are in the process of getting their grades for the current year and are moving on to next class/college, I would like to examine the importance of grades in one’s life/future. So, here is my belief for this week.
Belief: If my kid doesn’t get the 99.9% grades, they will lag behind their friends and peers and will end up being NOT successful and therefore NOT happy in life!
Because today’s post is going to touch a lot of nerves (especially in the Indian and similar communities), I just want to remind everyone before I begin to write, that this is only my point of view and you, as a parent, as a reader of this blog, are free to choose whether to agree or disagree :)…its ultimately your life and therefore your choice!
Alright, so here is what I believe – I believe that this is the biggest lie that we teach our kids which is that if they work very hard to get very good grades when they are in school or college, life will be smooth sailing forever!! And this is the biggest lie because as I have mentioned in my previous posts, life happens to everyone; even the ones who are highly intelligent, highly accomplished, amazingly beautiful, amazingly talented! Life spares absolutely no one! And because life happens to everyone, it will still throw curve-balls, it will still bring disappointments, it will still be full of failures, it will still be about heart-breaks and heart-aches regardless of what grades your kids get in their school/college. But because as parents, we focus completely on our kids grades and expect them to get the best grades among their friends and peers, what we are unconsciously teaching our kids is that life will NOT happen to them if they get very good grades!! Life will not bring along disappointments to live with, life will not bring along failures to learn from, life will not bring along heart-aches to endure; life will be without all these things or challenges only if they can get the best grades!!
On top of that, when we tie everything to getting good grades, we also teach our kids that their success in life, their happiness in life, their own value and worth in life, pretty much their entire life is totally dependent upon whether or not they can get really good grades. And because these are just kids and they are still learning what life is really about, they believe their parents and buy into their lies. And because they buy into these lies, they begin their journey of ‘working very hard to get the best grades’ even though they may know deep down in their hearts that it’s not what they are really capable of doing because not every kid can score the highest grades! And what this journey does to a kid is it creates unimaginable fear inside them and out of this fear and not for the love of learning they try to do their best and make their parents proud and happy. And yes, some kids are able to pull this grades thing off, however, the rest of the kids, they become either huge disappointments for their own parents and just live with it; or some other kids, even in the face of disappointments, they are able to grab on to their own will power and creativity and do their own thing. But there are some, who, because they can’t bear to live with their parents’ disappointed faces, choose to end their lives instead! And you only need to grab a newspaper to get an understanding of the rapidly increasing number of such kids! But you know what the irony in all of this is, each and every single one of these kids who choose to end their lives, when they were born, their parents must have been very proud and thankful to have them in their lives. They were their parents’ perfect little kids when they were born but somewhere along the way all that changed because life happened! And even though their grades may not have mattered in the bigger picture of life, yet, they didn’t even get a chance to create that life for themselves because someone else thought it was their job to create it for them.
But I would like to ask you, as a parent and as an adult, do you realize how absolutely ill-equipped you will be leaving your kid if you do not teach them about the realities of life; about the challenges that came into your own life and what you had to do to overcome them; about the heart-aches that you had to face and the sadness you felt in your own heart and how you learned to live with it, about the failures that you encountered in your own life and the things that these failures taught you about yourself and life itself! Yes, let’s take every opportunity we can get to talk and teach them through our own examples about these realities of life and watch how their confidence grows; how they begin to understand that life is not just about getting good grades, it’s also about reaching for that feeling of love even though you don’t think you can love any more. It’s about getting up one more time to try again even though you don’t think you can even manage to get up any more. It’s about learning to let go of the hurt and disappointment even though you don’t think you can forgive what was done to you. It’s about learning how to be happy and to accept and appreciate even the small things in life even when you think you didn’t get what you wanted from life. This is what life is really about…to me, what’s it about to you?
And as always, feel free to leave a comment, if you feel like leaving one. And until next Friday, live life 🙂
by Shikha Rastogi | Jun 10, 2016 | Beliefs, Perspective
Hi everyone, it’s Friday again! Last week I examined a belief about how as a society we try to “do things” or “become things” that make us feel very important and valuable than the rest of the human race and in the process we create separation and hatred and wars. This week, I would like to examine how is it that you can even begin to feel important and valuable especially when your mind doesn’t think you ‘do’ anything important or valuable. So, here is my belief for this week.
Belief: I understand I should feel more valuable and important but how can I feel that way when I just work at the bottom of my organization and don’t yet earn a six figure salary or hold a big enough title!
I will be the first person to admit that this is a belief that created my thinking for a long time until I chose to go where the Universe wanted me to and opened my heart and mind to learning all the lessons that came with living my own life! And the biggest lesson I have learned so far in life (hands down) is that it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do in life, it doesn’t matter what you become or not become, it doesn’t matter what you achieve or not achieve; what matters at the end of this life is whether you tried and whether you continued to love yourself and others through the trials and failures as much as you loved yourself and others for all the successes. That’s all that matters – loving yourself and others for all that you did or did not do, for all that you became or could not become, for all that you achieved or could not achieve, loving your life the way it turned out because for most of us, life doesn’t turn out the way we had imagined while growing up 🙂 – a buzzing career, 2 intelligent kids – one girl and one boy, a very understanding and loving spouse, very caring in-laws, big home, luxury car, exotic vacations etc. etc.
So, are you one of those people who feels insecure because you don’t ‘do’ anything important? Are you one of those who tried very hard but for whatever reason could never ‘do’ something important? Are you one of those who aspires to ‘do’ something important but don’t think you can do it just yet? If you are, let’s explore how is it that you can actually begin to feel important. So, if you work outside your home, in a job, or even if you stay home with kids, you must work with or come across people in your community all the time. Have you ever said a simple ‘hi’ to someone who you didn’t even know? Have you ever smiled to someone even though they may not have smiled back at you? Have you ever just listened to someone even though you didn’t understand a thing they were talking about? Have you ever given your colleague or friend a hug because of the sadness they were carrying in their heart? Have you ever appreciated your co-worker or friend for a job well done? You did, didn’t you? I bet you did but you never even thought that it mattered. Did you? These small gestures, no matter how insignificant they appear, these are the things that keep humanity alive and kicking! These are the small things that bring joy in everyone’s hearts regardless of the title they hold in a company. These are the things that matter, not the level that you work in any organization because that can change any day. Today you may work at the bottom and tomorrow you may be leading your own company or vice versa.
So, now do you also realize how truly amazing you are for doing every single one of the things that I just mentioned or maybe even much more? Do you realize how kind you are because the sadness in someone else’s heart touches the kindness in your own? Do you realize how loving you are because you open your heart when someone else needs you? Do you realize how inspiring you are because you cheer for someone when they need it the most? Do you realize how grateful you are because you thank someone for a small thing they did for you? I really hope you can see the truly amazing and valuable and important human being that you already are and you didn’t even need any big paychecks or fancy titles to do any of that 🙂
You know yesterday I visited my regular salon where I asked for the same person that I have gotten my eyebrows done from in the last one year. As she sat me down in the chair, I started to laugh as always about my almost non-existent eyebrows and she whispered to me in her accent, you know Shikha, you are such a beautiful person because you always laugh when I see you! To honor her statement, I just said thank you and we started to chat about what was going on in our respective lives. And as I left the salon, all I could think was what she had said to me and not just because she appreciated me but also because what she said was a reminder that we all have opportunities to touch each other, each other’s hearts, each other’s lives even if we only spend 5 minutes with them. You just have to believe that you have the power to do that, you are IMPORTANT enough to do that!!
And as always, feel free to leave a comment, if you feel like leaving one. And until next Friday, live life 🙂
by Shikha Rastogi | Jun 3, 2016 | Beliefs, Perspective
Hi everyone, happy Friday and welcome back! Last week I took a detour and instead of examining another belief, I gave you my perspective on what acceptance looks like and what it is that we try to accept when we practice it in our own lives. This week I would like to get back to examining another belief and this is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately especially because of how my own life has shaped over the last decade and the things that I was able to achieve or not achieve. So, here is my belief for this week.
Belief: I am neither very intelligent nor very beautiful; I am neither very accomplished, nor very happening; hence I am not as much important and valuable as someone else who is one of these things!
As a human society, we have been chasing after money and power; degrees and accomplishments; beauty and beautiful women; and we have been doing all this because we think in our minds that by earning a lot of money or by becoming very powerful; by looking very beautiful or marrying a beautiful woman, we will somehow become more important than these other humans who don’t have these traits or degrees or accomplishments and therefore will somehow be more valuable than the rest of humanity. And the reason behind this kind of thinking is that we want to feel important and deserving and valuable! Each and every one of us! And I think we feel the way we feel because we feel highly insecure among 7.5 billion other humans! And we feel so insecure and needy because we don’t completely understand who we really are – the children of this Universe, each and every single one of us. And because we don’t understand that we are the children of this powerful Universe, we also don’t understand that we are already very rich irrespective of how much money we have in the bank; we are already very powerful irrespective of what position we hold in a corporation or government; we are already very beautiful irrespective of how our physical appearance is; we are already very important and valuable irrespective of how accomplished we are. And hence our need to ‘do something’ important or valuable or ‘to somehow become’ more important, more valuable.
I know this is a very different concept than the one that we all have been living our lives based on where only a handful of humans could be important and valuable. I also understand it’s a 180 degrees shift in perspective where if everyone becomes important and valuable, then these terms will lose their value. But just look at what we have done by living our lives based on this very conservative and selective thinking. Since we have spent lifetimes living with this feeling of insecurity, we have also spent lifetimes proving to the world that my religion is important than yours, my skin color is important than yours, my values are important than yours, my existence is important than yours! And look what has happened to this world. It’s been engulfed in wars and hatred, it’s been crippled with fear; fear of bombs, fear of guns, fear of humans themselves! And all of this only to prove our importance and value to the rest of the world!
But why does it matter that my religion is important than yours? Don’t all religions teach love for ourselves and love for others regardless of which religion we follow? Why does it matter that my skin color is important than yours? Don’t we want the exact same things from life – to love and to be loved regardless of whether we are black, white or brown? Why does it matter that I am physically more attractive than you are? Don’t we all feel the same emotions of love and fear regardless of whether we are more or less physically attractive? Why does it matter if we are more intelligent than others? Doesn’t life treat us all the same regardless of whether we are highly intelligent or not?
Do you see my point? Do you realize how similar we are as humans rather than being different! Do you realize how connected we are because the decisions we make for e.g. to declare war or peace affect humanity as a whole? So, are you also open to realizing how absolutely important and valuable we already are regardless of which religion we follow or how beautiful we look or how accomplished we are or how intelligent we are or what our skin color is or which culture we come from etc. You know, I have come to believe (and sometimes very strongly) that there is a very important reason why we are the way we are, why we have the personalities we have, why we are born into this family or that family, why we are born into this country or that country, born into poverty or richness, born into dysfunctional family or a phenomenal one! But I also understand that for someone who is born into poverty instead of richness, someone who is born into dysfunctional family instead of phenomenal one, someone who is born into a dictatorship instead of a liberal country, it sure may not seem like they are born into this world for a very important reason. But remember I mentioned in a previous post, we human beings are very quick to tag something as bad or good. So, on the same note, just look around and count all the rich and famous people who have died of drug overdoses or have committed suicides in just the last decade and also look around and count the number of people who have risen from nothing! These numbers would be pretty similar. So my point is, don’t be so quick to judge your life or someone else’s life based on where and what you are born with because you never know why you are born where you are born! Just believe, if you can, that there is a very important reason for you to be here and do the best you can with what life offers you. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s a way better approach than feeling less than and insecure all the time 🙂
And as always, feel free to leave a comment, if you feel like leaving one. And until next Friday, live life 🙂
