Hi everyone, welcome back! A couple of weeks ago I examined our beliefs around addictions and addicts and in the process uncovered that the root cause of all these addictions could be traced back to the feeling of not being ‘enough’! Therefore, this week, I am examining beliefs which give rise to this feeling of ‘not being enough or not having enough’ in this world!
Belief: Although I have been achieving everything that I am supposed to achieve, acquire, gain and attain; however, I still don’t feel accomplished enough or beautiful enough or smart enough or rich enough etc.
When I came to this country several years ago, I came across a term which I had never heard before in my life. That term was ‘social anxiety’. At that time, upon reading a few articles about this term, what I could understand about social anxiety was that it had something to do with a person being shy and an introvert. However, over the years, as I came face to face with one failure after another; I could feel this ‘social anxiety’ in my own self especially when I was among other people. In feeling this kind of anxiety, myself, I was convinced that it had nothing to do with a person being shy or introvert but had everything to do with this person not feeling good enough or beautiful enough or accomplished enough or creative enough etc. And this revelation was so profound for me that it changed the way I viewed my own self and my own mind! Let me explain further.
Our entire lives, humans learn about the importance of being ‘successful in life’. And the way we learn about being successful is by being better than everyone else. As young kids and teens, we are taught in schools and colleges and by parents to compete, to become better than someone else, to get better grades than someone else, to learn how to write before and better than someone else, to learn how to read before and better than someone else, to learn how to do anything before and better than this someone else. And we are taught and expected to do all this before and better than someone else so that we can be tagged as more intelligent and more competent than someone else. And we think that by being more intelligent and more competent than someone else, we will ensure a better job than this someone else, better pay than someone else, better home than someone else, better opportunity for our kids than someone else’s kids etc. etc. And the end goal in being more successful than someone else is always to attain more happiness than someone else. However, the one very important aspect of living our lives based on this strategy where we always strive to be better than someone else is a strategy which is doomed for failure from the very beginning because in trying to use others as benchmarks for the success that we want in our lives, we are limiting ourselves and our definition of success. Not only that, chances are, there will always be that someone else who is ‘more’ than us – ALWAYS, so, by living our lives based on this strategy, which is how most people live their lives; we are setting ourselves up for a lifetime of pain and suffering and unhappiness.
So, are you left wondering how this knowing of trying to be more than others ties into our feelings of not being enough? Well, every time you come across that someone who you think is more successful than you are, you will feel that you are not successful enough no matter how successful you already are. Every time you come across that someone who you think is more intelligent than you are, you will feel that you are not intelligent enough no matter how intelligent you already are. Every time you come across that someone who you think is richer than you are, you will feel that you are not rich enough no matter how many millions you have in your bank accounts. Every time you come across that someone who you think is more beautiful than you are, you will not feel beautiful enough no matter how beautiful you already are. So, you see folks, this is the very reason why anyone including myself would ever feel this ‘social anxiety’ especially when we are gathered with people who we think are more than us because in their presence, we will feel not enough. And to those of you who think that its these others who make you feel not enough, let me tell you another very basic truth of life – no one, literally no one can make you feel anything unless you are already thinking and feeling that thing. More on this another time.
Folks, how on Earth as a collective society of humans did we allow this to happen to ourselves and our kids! Why do we not realize the damage this kind of belief system is already doing to our and our kids psyche and thus taking us so far away from the very happiness that we are always chasing after? Why is it that we can’t just create our own definition of success, whatever that definition maybe? Why is it that we need others as benchmarks to make us feel us good about ourselves and our lives? Why is it that instead of focusing on others, their successes and their achievements, we can’t just focus on what we want to accomplish and how we want to accomplish it? Folks, we have got this life and living thing all wrong. Otherwise, what else could explain our depressions and anxieties; heartaches and heart breaks; pain and suffering; angst and despair? Why do we allow ourselves to go through this? Maybe it’s time to wake up and look at this thing which we call life from a different perspective – a perspective of collaboration rather than competition! A perspective of every single one of us being special in our own unique ways and not just a handful of us! A perspective of love for our achievements and accomplishments and not fear for what others have achieved and accomplished! I really think it’s time to wake up…what do you think?
And as always, feel free to leave a comment if you feel like leaving one. And until next time, collaborate more and compete less 😊…
