Hi everyone, welcome back! Last week I examined the thought process that leads us to judge ourselves and our lives if we think we are not able to handle something or someone in a better or more spiritual way. This week, since it will be that time of the year again when people exchange a lot of gifts, I would like to examine the beliefs around ‘gifting’ and what is that people want to achieve through this process of ‘gifting’!
Belief: Its very important that I buy the perfect gift for my friends and family members!
Well you may have already guessed the answer to ‘what it is that people want to achieve through the process of gifting’ – happiness!! Everything that a human mind thinks can be traced back to one single thing, the human heart and the heart’s desire to be happy! And the holiday season is no different, rather more important when all these desires of the heart bubble up along with the variety of emotions! But have you ever noticed that beneath the layer of happiness, which obviously is the ultimate goal, there is something more that the human heart desires – and that is acceptance. To be accepted and loved and valued and heard is the deepest desire of any human heart and it is this very path that leads the heart to happiness! And when it’s the time of the holidays, because you are around family and close friends, these desires of your heart, which you try to bury very well throughout the year just bubble up to the surface. And this is when ‘gifting’ comes into picture. So, if you are someone who feels accepted and loved and valued by the family and friends who will surround you during holidays, ‘gifting’ will have a very different meaning for you than someone else who doesn’t feel accepted, loved and valued. Let’s explore further.
Let’s imagine that you are someone who feels loved, valued and accepted by the people who you will be surrounded with during this holiday time; so, when you think about buying gifts for these people, you will not worry about whether they would like the gift or not or if the gift is expensive enough or not etc. The bottom line is that you won’t be trying to please them so that you can get what you want in return – their love and acceptance. Therefore, you will end up choosing and buying a gift from your heart instead of your mind. But on the other hand, if you are someone who doesn’t feel loved, valued and accepted, you will try very hard to think of things this person would like or maybe try to scan through the best and the most expensive things out there and in the process will buy something that you ‘think’ will please these people so that in return they can give you the much elusive acceptance and love that you so deeply desire. And just for this very reason, this entire process of ‘gifting’ will become so stressful for you. And no wonder so many people report that their stress levels go way up during holidays. Hence, the ‘holiday stress or at least a part of it’! But I also know that so many of us, maybe out of arrogance or hurt or embarrassment or guilt, think or say that they don’t need acceptance from anyone or they don’t care if others value them or not. This is far from the truth. If you are human, you desire all these things deeply. And so if you are this person, believe me, this is just a lie that your mind is trying to convince you of. It’s trying to simply protect you so that you don’t get hurt when you don’t get that feeling of acceptance, being valued and being heard especially when you are in the midst of family and close friends again.
But folks, I would like to bring your attention to the bigger question that you need to ask yourself during this holiday time which is whether you accept your family members and close friends and love and value them? What do you see when you look at them? Do you see someone who is flawed and needs work or do you see someone who is awesome despite all their imperfections? Do you get a view into their soul when you look into their eyes? Do you feel there is a very important reason why you ended up in their family at this time on earth? Do you feel that they are valuable members of this society? Do you feel they have something that they can offer to make this world a better place? Do you shower them with praise when they look nice or do something amazing for you?
You know folks, there has never been a gift made that can ever replace the gift of love and acceptance no matter how pricey that gift is. But the most important thing to realize is that you can NEVER receive something that you don’t give out first! So, if love and acceptance is what your heart desires, you have to start giving it out first. Once you initiate, watch how it comes back to you. Have you ever noticed the difference in how your kid who may just be 3 or 4 years old responds based on your own response? For e.g., your 4 year old is doing something they are not supposed to do and if you yell at her to point out what she is doing wrong, she will most definitely yell back or throw a tantrum. However, on the other hand if you are able to control your own anger and calmly let her know that what she just did is not right, she may still not like it but at least she will not yell back or start a tantrum. So, just imagine if your 3 or 4 year old’s mind and heart work this way, how can the adults’ minds and hearts be any different?
And as always feel free to leave a comment if you feel like leaving one. And until next week, live life, love people 🙂
