Hi everyone, welcome back! Three weeks ago, over a couple of posts, I examined self vs. other’s esteem and in the process also examined praise when it comes from other people and the role it plays in our lives. This week, I want to talk about tears and grief and sadness and would like to examine the role these feelings play in our lives. In the process, I would also like to examine whether it’s more important to feel these feelings for as long as you need to or should you just force yourself to be happy!
Belief: Feelings of sadness, despair, grief etc. should not be allowed to be felt for a long time otherwise it can lead to depression and other diseases!!
I have a very heavy heart as I write today’s post because a colleague of mine just got diagnosed with breast cancer and she is only in her early 40s! I got to know about her diagnosis a week ago and in talking with her extensively and observing over the years in general how people deal with illnesses or bad news, there is a common theme that I have uncovered where well-intention people including family members as well as friends advise you to ‘think positive’! Think your way to health or think your way out of sadness or grief! Although there is nothing wrong with ‘thinking positive’ because thinking positive is what gives us hope in an otherwise dire situation; however, if you are human and on the receiving end of something like an illness or death of a family member or ending of a close relationship etc., you by design, will find yourself in the middle of hopelessness, disbelief, despair, sadness, grief, guilt, fear!! And just by virtue of being human; if you don’t allow yourself to feel exactly what you are feeling at the moment and allow all those feelings to come out in the form of tears, you will not be able to make that journey from fear and hopelessness to thinking positive, to hope, to light, to health, to well-being, to love!! You will not be able to love again if your heart just got bruised! You will not be able to live again if your health just got challenged! You will not be able to believe again if your faith just got crushed! You will not be able to laugh again if the reason you smiled just got lost!
Folks, life of a human being was designed by this amazingly powerful Universe with a variety of emotions which comprise of both positive and negative hues. And when the Universe created all these range of emotions, I believe it intended that we would allow ourselves to feel all of them and not just the ones that we ‘feel like feeling’ because its only when you feel the negative as well as positive is when you allow yourself to live beautifully and richly! It is when you allow yourself to experience life. It is when you allow yourself to be human! However, very often, because it doesn’t feel good to feel the negative emotions, and on top of that, we feel like bad and/or weak people if we continue to feel these negative emotions and we feel so embarrassed for not having been gotten over them already; we just push them away by tricking our minds into believing that we are fine and can handle life and its situations until we really cannot! That’s when you start to feel very low or depressed. That’s when you feel even more hopeless and even more fearful than ever before. And at this point, it becomes even more difficult to feel all this fear and sadness because of its intensity! And that’s when you feel like there is nothing left to look forward to in your world and that’s when you start to give in and give up!
So, cry when you need to or maybe even want to because there is nothing wrong with grieving the loss of a parent who just departed. Because there is nothing wrong with crying over the loss of that beautiful relationship with the one you loved and now miss so deeply. Because there is nothing wrong with crying over the many failed attempts to bring a child to this world. Because there is nothing wrong with crying over the state this human race is in. Because there is nothing wrong with crying when you realize you may never have the life that you always dreamed of. Because there is nothing wrong with crying if you wish your childhood could have been different. Because there is nothing wrong with crying when you feel someone violated you or your space. Because there is nothing wrong with crying for not being able to meet other’s expectations no matter how hard you tried. Because there is nothing wrong in crying when others have so much of what you have desired all along. Because there is nothing wrong with crying when you just feel sad and low for no good reason. BECAUSE when you are done crying, you will see more clearly. You will see more clearly because all the sadness and anger and guilt and jealousy and fear would have been washed away. The only thing that would remain is you and your life at this very moment of time! And in that moment, you will have a choice – whether to feel pity for yourself for failing or to gather all your courage and go after your dreams again. Whether to focus on what you don’t have or try very hard to find things that you are grateful for in this moment. Whether to give up on love or to risk opening your heart for another and love like you have never loved anyone like that before. Whether to stay mad at your body for being so sick each day or to thank it for supporting you all these years that you have walked on Earth. Whether to live and laugh and love or just stay on the sidelines watching others live your life!!
And as always, feel free to leave a comment if you feel like leaving one. Until next time, cry a little 🙂
